Some years ago I had the opportunity to attend series of seminars with the intention to learn more about myself in different areas. Since the majority of the attendees signed up for multiple seminars, we were able to build seminar buddy type of friendships.
We completed Myer-Briggs. We did career assessment. We discovered college major does not always match with what we're genuinely passionate about. Since I talked so much in each seminar, I even got to present a workshop on entrepreneurship.
Then the day came when we were given multiple Post-It to write what we thought of each other that weren't as apparent such as their upbringings, their educational background, their life outside of work and so forth.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. If I were to find two words best describe my childhood, without hesitation, I would say fear and shame. Once I got older, the fear I had evolved to porcupine-like defensive mode. And shame evolved into hatred.
Outwardly, however, I appeared to be friendly and a likable person... until I sensed threats. The outburst anger would shock the living daylights out of everyone who was involved as the sweet angel turns into a raging bitch faster than a magician could make a penny disappear in his hands.
When I walked back to my desk only to find the majority of the Post-It notes stating:
A well-sheltered child
Grew up in the upper-class environment
Never tasted the pain. Silver spoon
Quietly I took these notes to the instructor who served as my mentor at the time. As always, he put me on the spot without warning, "Everyone, go back to your seat immediately. Diana is going to present the notes she received and reveal her story." As insensitive as it seemed to be, I appreciated the fact he gave me no time to over think, or to polish what I was about to share with my fellow attendees.
Sure enough, everyone was shocked as I shared about beaten with the water hose and leather belts, kicked in the stomach, publicly humiliated in front of my cousins as a child. The list of experiences I never wanted anyone to find out went on and on.
That very same day I heard this inner voice shouting out to me,
Diana, you have what it takes to change that so your son won't grow up
in the same environment. You can break the chain.
And out of nowhere, Wayne Dyer's 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace surfaced in my life. The book is small enough for me to carry in my purse as my spiritual supplement - I could reach for it whenever I was about to feel sorry for myself, or about to have an outburst, or wanted to give up trying.
My high school Science teacher, Mrs. Pam Lathem once told me to listen to the voice that empowers my inner strength. It took me many years to fully understand it. All of us have that voice to guide us as I now refer that voice as infinite intelligence. And only when our mind is at peace can we hear such wisdom.